


Drowning

by guysimtoohigh



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Dialogue shameless borrowed from teen wolf, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Sad, my boi, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-03
Updated: 2018-12-03
Packaged: 2019-09-06 06:07:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 911
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16826698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/guysimtoohigh/pseuds/guysimtoohigh
Summary: Lance leaves the comms on in Red.  Everyone overhears his conversation with her.





	Drowning

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy this angsty thing I wrote. I have never watched teen wolf, but I know this dialogue so there's that. It's short, I know but leave kudos and comments and tell me what you think of it!

No one was expecting to hear what they did when Lance accidentally left the comms on in Red. They were prepared to hear something silly like him singing to himself or something equally embarrassing. Unfortunately, when he did start to speak it was anything but silly. Or funny. Or anything they might have hoped for or expected.

“You know when you’re drowning you don’t actually inhale until right before you black out...” Pidge paused in confusion. What’s he going on about…? Red was also a bit confused, but not as much. She knew something was deeply wrong with Lance and that he was upset, but she didn't know how to help. Honestly, though, she knew he wasn't truly upset. That was just the closest she could get to explain what he was feeling. Or rather, what he wasn't feeling. That was the truly scary part of all this. He was just... empty. She did her best to send her fiery affection towards him, but he seemed to ignore it and continued to speak.

“The instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won’t open your mouth until you feel like your head’s exploding,” The other paladins listened with bated breath while Lance spoke, “Then when you finally do let it in, that’s when it stops hurting.”

My paladin...are you okay? Red had always had more trouble reading Lance than she did with Keith, despite what it seemed, Keith was the one who truly wore his heart on his sleeve. But Lance, Lance remained closed off and hidden to the world, behind many walls and disguises, slapping a smile over anything that hurt. She could never pick favorites between any of her paladins, Alfor included, but Lance was by far the hardest to understand.

Lance laughed a dry and plastic laugh, “I’m fine.” Everyone listening understands right then and there that he most certainly is not fine and has not been for a while. They wait with bated breath for him to continue.

“Yeah aside from the not sleeping...” He curls his legs up in the chair, making himself look impossibly small when he used to seem bigger than life.

“The jumpiness...” With every word, all the paladins feel as though they need to say something.

“The constant overwhelming, crushing fear that something terrible is about to happen.” Before Lance can speak again, Pidge decides to reveal that she is listening and starts talking herself.

“It’s called hyper vigilance. The.... persistent feeling of being under threat.” Lance starts slightly at the sound of her voice, never sounding quite this timid, but his face remains devoid of emotion. All he looks is tired, emotionally and physically.

He sighs and keeps talking, “It’s not just a feeling though it’s... It’s like it’s a panic attack… you know like I can’t even breathe.” Keith jumps in at this, and Lance isn't even surprised this time because of course, everyone would be listening. Of course this would happen to him, I mean, who else?

Keith knows panic attacks, he knows that feeling of not being able to breathe, “Like you’re drowning?”

Silence on Lance's side, then a quiet, “Yeah.”

Hunk, more than anyone, remembers what Lance becomes when he isn’t Lance anymore. He hadn’t seen this side of Lance in a while, but with the lack of depression medication for humans in space and the pressure of war, he should have seen it coming. He does his best to remember the rules while choosing his words carefully.

“So … if you’re drowning...and you’re trying to keep your mouth closed until that very last moment...What if you choose to not open your mouth? To not let the water in.” Lance scoffs at Hunk, who sounds just like his mama. Always trying to help him see the brighter side of things. A wall is gone.

“You do anyway it’s a reflex.” He stated this as though it was obvious. As if it should be clear to everyone that he was a ticking time bomb that was going to explode no matter what they did. But the walls were getting weaker, just excuses and lies taped together now, flimsy as paper.

Shiro follows Hunk's lead and carefully picks his words, like a child looking for the perfect seashells to take home, “But… if you hold off until that reflex kicks in, you have more time, right?” Another wall gone.

“Not much time,” Lance mumbled. Another wall.

“But more time to fight your way to the surface.” Another.

“I guess…” Please, please let us in.

Allura jumps in, “More time to be rescued.” Please.

Lance sees the paper walls beginning to fly away in the wind and suddenly stronger ones are being built in their place, stone and steel, “More time to be in agonizing pain, did you forget about the part where you feel like your heads exploding?” Don't do this.

“If it’s about survival, isn’t … a little agony worth it?” Hunk tries again. He can see the walls closing in on Lance, looking more like prison than protection. He feels himself watching his friend through these walls. Whenever this happens he always sees the same version of Lance hiding in there. The little boy he first met, always crying.

Silence reigned over the whole group until Lance finally spoke, "What if it just gets worse? What if it’s agony now and then… then it’s just hell later on?”

The comms turn off.


End file.
